A mum's letters

So it all started three years ago. I gave birth to a child and without even asking me or any other family member, my newborn daughter was given formula. I was aware of the importance of colostrum but every time  I asked someone about it, I was asked to wait. On day 2, baby was brought to breast and the nurse told me that nipples are not big enough to latch on so I should give formula. Later, she even tried to elongate my nipples with a syringe! I was sent to home with a box of formula and no such instructions about breastfeeding. My mother and Mother-in-law told me multiple times a day that I am not producing enough milk and that is why baby is not sleeping properly. They wanted to give baby formula while keep telling me how their breasts kept leaking when they birthed kids. My MIL even told me that she had to discard many bowlful of breast milk because she produced more than her baby needed. Though I may laugh at it now but this depressed me to no end, at then. I remember w...

Have you ever been to a wedding? Ofcourse, you have! Then have you ever wondered about the story behind a wedding? A story that these two people, who are the most confused on their big day, may have? I always think about it. And try to have a sneak peek into their story, if possible. And then, I exclaim at their reasons to get married... 👉 Because mummy Papa said he is the right one for me. 👉 Because I am 29 and want to get settled. 👉 Because he earns well. 👉 Because my ex left me. I want to show him. 👉 Because he can afford my kind of lifestyle. Be a little more daring and ask parents of bride and groom about their reasons to choose this very Munda or kudi. And the typical answers you will hear are... 👉 Because we are of same status. 👉 Because he did engineering from so-so institute. 👉 Because she is ambitious and dono mil ke kamayenge. 👉 Because they will "let her" do job. 👉 Because family is so open-minded that they "allow" their DILs to...

Dear child, Some days I don't love you. I can't, even when I want to. Some days, I have zero motivation to marvel how you see the world and how original your questions are. Though I try to give you reasons but some days I wish that a mere "because I said so" were enough. Some days, I regret buying those colour filled bottles and brushes. I am not able to appreciate your skill and imagination because all I see is mess and those colour stained clothes. Some days, I can't care less for giving you the previous days' leftovers and I don't feel guilty to serve you pasta AGAIN... Second time in a week! Because I need to save my energy for later....for those struggle filled nights. Some days, I am too tired to tell you the importance to brush your teeth. On those days, I would rather accept rotten teeth instead of another tantrum just before bedtime. Some days, I don't bother correct you when you scatter toys in every corner of the house and make...

So, like all once upon a time stories... There was a girl who fell in love despite her family's dinasaurous efforts of keeping her away from any boy. I was made to study in a girls' school, neighborhood boys were given bribery (I am sure, in form of Goldmohar tobacco pouches or cheap beedi) to ignore me completely, my father befriended strictly those who were blessed with girl child only. I am sure Lord Budhha's father didn't put such herculean efforts to keep her son away from worldly sorrows that my father put to keep me away from every male of my age who was not my brother in one simple or some complex way. But... But is a strong word. It opens the doors of opportunities in times as dark as our respected politician's heart. Sitting hundreds of miles away, my father was busy sipping his tea hot after throwing me in one of nation's best  "Girls' University" So, "but happened" in my life and I found that in this high-walled, h...

The minute I start scrolling through my social media account, I start seeing #metoo. And as if seeing stories of women who went through all the horrible things was not enough, people are creating jokes with the hashtag, sharing posts against the campaign that are full of lewd comments from equally insensitive people with sick mentality. Isn't it all, at the end, justifying women's decision to stay silent??? They knew that they wouldn't be believed, that they would be seen as gold-diggers and character less! First thing that all the people are asking is, "Why did they stay silent for so long?" I ask, how do YOU know that they stayed silent? May be they spoke but no one wanted to support them and they alone didn't have courage and resources to go against their predators. May be they spoke but their families hushed them. May be they spoke but they had no platform to make their voice audible. May be they spoke but they were threatened. May be.....

A few days back, me and my daughter both had an upset tummy. I just felt full as I had ate a lot of food the day before and my toddler didn't want to eat for God knows what reason which is very usual with her. So, I thought to skip breakfast. My girl also did not eat her usual amount of food. By noon also, my tummy wanted to continue the food strike but I '"wanted" to eat. My body did not need food yet I "craved" for food. Food was on the back of my mind all the time until i gave in and ate. I felt bloated and nauseated all day. On the other hand, my daughter had only few morsels for lunch, nothing for snacks and a very light dinner. she was happy, active and chirpy... her usual self. That day, I realized that I eat for so many other reasons than my hunger; I eat when I am sad. I eat extra when there is some favorite.   I eat when I can't sleep at night. I keep on munching when I am not actively doing something. I eat as I want to FINISH...

Ira and Maan were siblings and apple of their parent's eyes. Ira was 9 years and Maan was 7 years old. Today, they are going to their Nani's place as mummy needs to attend a conference in Delhi. So she will drop them at nani's place and pick them up on her way back. This is the first time when they would stay at nani's without mummy and that too for a good whole week.... Ira and Maan are so looking forward to spending their winter vacations at nani's place. Both the kids were too happy to be with their many many cousins. Days were filled with all sort of games and nights were peaceful.  But something was constantly bothering Ira. She was noticing that Nani always discriminates between girls and boys. No, it was not that she loved one child more or less than others but it was a subconscious thing. She will ask Ira to peel the peas and Maan was supposed to go out and bring things from nearby shop. Ira's duty was to help her aunts in serving food while Ma...

There was a fairy. No, not the one with long hair, floor length gowns or tiara on the head. But, a fairy....Like you and every other girl you know. She was a fairy because her parents named her Fairy and treated her like one. Fairy was a happy, helpful and jolly girl and her life was perfect. Perfect... until she started her new school and an ugly reality hit her hard. Her classmates started calling her names because she had braces in her teeth and pimples on her face. Fairy was dismayed because as far as she knew beauty had nothing to do with one's physical appearance. When Fairy's mother picked her up in the evening, she was sad and perplexed. She had many questions floating in her tiny head and tears in her eyes. Mumma understood that something was not right that day. When they got settled in the bed for their good night sleep. Mumma hugged her tight and asked the reason of her being so sad. "Kids in my school think that I am not beautiful." "Th...

Another new year is just another day.... Another day of you sleeping to the glory in the morning when I can't sleep And me watching and soaking in all your beauty and innocence. Another day of you achieving your toddler monster mission of taking this house down, And me slogging behind with my lazy mommy mind and tired mommy feet. Another day of you spitting that morsel loaded with ghee and made with all I knew, And me gobbling all the remaining food up ignoring my bulging tummy. Another day of you running around to fight my attempts to put some oil in your head, And me worrying that I didn't have the good hair genes to pass on to you. Another day of you looking at me with those petrified eyes when I try to bathe you, And me wondering if I am being hard on you if I wash that dirt ridden face of yours Another day of you sucking, biting and dangling from these mounds of flesh nurturing you, And me chalking out a strategy to wean you and failing at it every singl...

Dear baby, Today, I had a little argument with your mausi. She was asking me to buy you new clothes for Diwali. I was saying that we still have 4-5 new dresses and those are perfect for Diwali. She was not convinced. Then your nani also lectured me some for not buying new clothes for Diwali. I tried to tell them that in past people did not have the luxury of buying new clothes every other month, infact, going to the markets was a luxury in itself. So they used to wait for festivals to go to the market and splurge on shopping. The rarity of this was a charm in itself to mark the beginning of the festivities. But.. today, we go outside every other day. Malls are a place to hang out and if you see something CUTE for the kids, the temptation is too hard to resist. Even if you don't go outside then online shopping is there. Hardly goes a month or two when I am not buying some dress or some toys as you are outgrowing your stuff so quickly. Then why all this halla gulla about Diwali ...

You don't know her. You see her first and may be the last time, that too for a few seconds. And YOU JUDGE because she is wearing shorts. She is wearing shorts despite being so fat. Though you have no idea that obesity may also be due to some illness and you really don't care. You just DECIDED that she is not dressed appropriately. Then some other day, some other place you see someone else. She is wearing a polyester saree, her head is covered with her pallu, orange sindoor in her hair parting, bright red bangles and she is trying to get over her fear of escalators and may be of her newly worn high heels too. You turn again and again to look at her, to check what is she doing, to ridicule her silliness of being afraid of a mere escalator. You mutter something about that dehati lady to your friend and you two have a good laugh. Now... You are wearing your favorite denim pants with a tank top or may be a full sleeved shirt. You got some looks from someone else. You KNOW wha...

A few more days and the life will never remain same.. I shall be a mommy in a few days. And now a days I relate everything with children and their upbringing. #womeninme keeps making promises to the little fluttering creature in my tummy. So baby, here I am...I want to promise you that you will never be forced to do things as per others' or set society standards. You need not to learn cooking... You need not to study engineering... Just to satiate our desires but only if your heart asks you to do so.  If you are a boy, i shall not teach you that crying is a sign of weak (or girls). Because those who know, accept and express their feelings are stronger than those who pretend, manipulate or suppress their emotions. If you are a girl, I shall never let you ask for favours for being a girl but to treat yourself equal to your peers before you expect them to treat you equally.I f you are a boy, I shall never be ashamed of you for cooking or doing any of the household ...

As I am writing this, a little girl of 12 days is lying beside me. She is too tiny to hold properly yet she has turned my world upside down. I have forgotten what a peaceful sleep means and how would it feel like going outside on my own...alone. I just can't believe that I am feeling so. Having a baby was my long time dream. I have thought of names for my daughter when I myself was in school. After only an year of marriage, I have started pestering my husband to start a family (now I silently thank him for knowing that you are NEVER prepared for a tiny tot to join you) It's not that I was not aware of the changes that a baby will bring in our world but still I feel as if I have been cheated. I knew that a child would bring sleepless nights, I just did not have any idea about cluster feeding. I knew that a kid would depend on me for filling his tummy, I just did not know about sore nipples. I knew that I would be stucked in a room for 40 days of confinement period (a...

Dear HUSBAND, Life has changed and it has changed fast. I always had doubts how would you cope up when we will have a baby. How would you react when a tiny lil thing will share bed with us. I wondered if you would be jealous that someone has captured all my attention. I never worried about how i would adjust with all these changes as i always felt that motherhood comes naturally to me..as per me, i was born to be a mum. But it turns out that you are the one to whom parenthood comes naturally. I sometimes get irritated when she keeps me up whole night. In initial days, i looked at her and she looked back wide eyed, i felt for her yet a bond was missing. But such was never the case with you. You two hit the cord instantly right after you held her in your arms, i could sense the love in your eyes. I feel jealous that i didn't feel that way. You are the one whose voice she started to recognize first (as i believe) though i am the one who stayed awake all night to feed her, to cha...

Dear baby, Happy new year!!! Let's talk serious today. 25, 30 or may be 35 years down the line, there will come a time when you would start thinking to start your own little family. (We will be fine even if you not go to that path at all) but if you do, even the thought of having a kid will be stressful. The thought of having a tiny tot, who is totally dependent on you and knows nothing but breathing and feeding and crying, is scary. The dilemma of having or not having a kid would certainly arise. That day I want you to read this letter. (Hope we are on good terms till then :P) Though I have no idea about parenthood and I don't know if I would be the kind of mother to whom you will look towards for having an advice or not. But I want you (and everyone else too) to know how wonderful it feels to have someone growing inside you. My pregnancy has made me a more satisfied, happier, more kind, more loving, more appreciative and more positive. I've started smiling...

मेरी मुनिया रानी बने महलो का राजा मिले देखे खुशियो के मेले दर्द कोई न झेले लोरी लोरी लोरी लोरी लोरी लोरी Lullabies!!! They make you nostalgic. But today, after having a daughter, when I sing them; they make me angry. In every other lullaby, mothers are telling their daughters that a prince charming will come and take them away to live happily ever after. As if that is the only definition of being happy. Why don't we tell our daughters that they may or may not fall in love. They may or may not want to get married. They may or may not end up being a homemaker. They can take the decision of having or not having a baby. And ALL of this is fine. Our nanis told our mothers that the whole n sole purpose of their lives is getting married, bearing n rearing children, serving their in-laws AND always obeying them without questioning. Being opinionated was a strict no-no. But they did a favour to our mothers. They did not educate them. So our mothers accepted and adapted easily...

26 november 2015 Dear baby, Hope u r doing fine. I too m well n can feel u inside ne. It is a lovely feeling n nothing can b more miraculous than this. If u r a gal...i wish sum day u wil go thru ol this n if u r a boy then m srry love.. Now a days i hardly get any time to talk with u.. Naisha didi keeps us ol on our toes. U may hear her name ol the tym since she wakes up till she sleeps. In sum more time...u wil see her. I wish u two share a great bond. May u r lyk ur father...he is still a kid at heart. He is sleeping in another room bt a few minutes ago ge woke up, came to our rum, went back n slept lyk that. As if a child wakes up from his slp n cnt find his mumma nearby. U know he is such an enthusiast... He is ecstatic wen v buy sumthing new and sad like anytging if sumthing is lost. He is the most amazing soul u will ever lie ur eyes upon n i luv him the most. Bt i luv u as well. I am waiting to c u. Hope u cum to us in ur best of health n complete us. Love; Mumma ...

Dear baby, It has been 10 months since I and you lost the cord between us. I still cant believe that it happened to me...to you...to us. Bt yes, it happened. And no mother can ever explain how it feels. You suddenly stopped being part of me. And after that I stopped writing at all... I never read any of my letters for you since that day, untill today. Today, i decided to have this conversation with you as I have realized that i cant make peace with life without forgiving and forgetting. And I have reasons to move on. I am expecting again... Expecting YOU again. And i want to tell you that I am not able to be as happy as I was the previous time. I feel insecure and scared. Even a hint of pain scares me to no end. On first of september, we shall complete three months of being together. Uptill now, i was avoiding to write to you, avaoiding to even think of you coz when this all is suddenly lost, it hurts like nothing else. But then I realised that this is not fair to you......

Dear baby, I want you to know that no relationship is ever perfect and so will not be ours. There will be times when you will feel angry, irritated and will find me taking your space away from you. But my love, there is no rule book to parenthood that i can refer to and like i am trying to make you a good child, you too have to help me being a good mumma. Motherhood came to me with you only so you have to bear my rights and my wrongs as well. But you know child what will be the best thing about our relationship. You will be free to tell me my mistakes but in return i will be telling yours and you will have to be patient with that. You will be free to tell me your point of view but you will have to listen that of mine too. But yes, at the end of the day, i and you together will ensure that nothing is imposed on any of us. Fair deal noe? With love, Mumma

Dear baby, I know that life is not always fair and it will throw all kind if tantrums on you too. You may feel it to be harder specifically on you. But life is not that bad my child and it always will give you ample of reasons to leave behind all the negativity and start a new. If you ever feel low, sad and depressed then STOP!!! Stop for a moment!!! Stop cursing yourself and others! And (if you are like me) stop reading, writing ans listenting all the depressing stuff!! Now... Breathe!!! Smile ear to ear!!! Play some rocking music and HUG yourself!!! My love... Life will not stop being harsh... People will not stop being mean... Roads will not stop being endless... So you too are not supposed to stop being yourself. Have faith in Him as He never does any wrong to people who have tried to do all the right things in life. And do not feel guilty if you ever commit a mistake because God allows U-turns. You can always fix your mistakes or may make up for them. Love...y...